Dangerously Unsanitary Conditions

When I was involved a generation ago, our cooking facilities were immaculate. That still is the case when it comes to the cookie that is produced in the company's facilities in Nebraska. But our investigation found that the "stuff" has dangerously high levels of bacteria probably resulting for the unsanitary conditions in the factories in which it's made.

We took a randomized sample of cookies from 312 grocery stores across twelve different states. The cookies met every standard of cleanliness and food safety you would hope and expect. However, when we sent in samples of the stuff in to the federal government's labs for further analysis, their findings were absolutely shocking.

Here is an image of a sample of the stuff that was cultured in a lab:

After a mere 12 hours in an otherwise sterile environment, colonies of coliform and e.coli bacteria reproduced at an alarming rate.

And this is the "stuff" that our children are eating!

Clearly something has gone terribly wrong. And a further investigation makes it clear where the problem originates.

The cookies themselves continue to be baked in the United States, subject to our stringent food safety and inspection requirements. Unfortunately, the manufacturing of the "stuff" has been outsourced to once pristine factories in East Africa that have been ravaged by strife and war. As a result, the stuff that was once made safely is now produced in dangerously unsanitary conditions.

It's hard to get good information out of these war-torn countries, but a photograph was smuggled out by an independent journalist working undercover. Here is an image of the intake pipes that draw in the raw materials used to bake the stuff in automated ovens:

Those brown clumps on the floor are the bodies of dead rats that were smothered by the stuff in its raw form.

This is what has become of my beloved cookie.

Do yourselves a favor my friends.

Eat the cookie.  Avoid the stuff.