Residual Stuff in our Bowels

It's been clearly demonstrated that the stuff is both unsanitary and made from disgusting ingredients such as white slimy mold. But what is not as well know is just how dangerous the stuff is.

We consulted with Sheldon Berkowitz, a visiting professor of culinary physics at one of our nation's most prestigious science institutions, asking him to explore the viscosity of the stuff and its propensity to harden over time.

This is not a problem that historically was an issue with the stuff. The human body easily and regularly processes copious amounts of sugar. While the link between the stuff and diabetes has long been known, until now little research has been done on the long term impact of ingesting the large concentrations of albus limosa infusorium - or the white slimy mold - that replaced sugar as the central ingredient in the stuff.

As expected, Professor Berkowitz found that eating the cookies alone posed no greater risk than any other kind of sugary snack. That's what similar tests showed in the roughly ten years since the mold has been used as the primary ingredient in the stuff. However, because the mold does not digest easily, those who have eaten the stuff for more than a decade are now experiencing serious intestinal problems.  

Consider what happens to the mold in an open field when denied the dog or wolf feces it needs to thrive.

The mold spores burst and coalesce around each other, forming hard rock-like formations.

Professor Berkowitz strongly believes that a similar phenomenon occurs in the human intestine after a decade of regularly consuming the white slimy mold found in the stuff. The spores burst, leaving behind a residue that in time clumps together and almost inevitably will lead to an intestinal blockage.

Since the white slimy mold was added to the recipe for the stuff only about a decade ago, we are only just beginning to feel the repercussions of a public health crisis that will plague us for years to come.

Eat the cookies. Avoid the stuff!