Today, corporations have taken over the process of making these wonderful cookies and they are doing everything they can to hide the fact that the new primary ingredient in the stuff is a white slimy mold.
As you might expect, it's all about money. Large corporations obsessed with profitability have replaced the care that individual bakers once placed into making a quality product. Sugar prices are on the rise and are expected to go even higher. Projections are that prices will increase by 85% in the coming years.
So the corporations had a choice. Sacrifice a few dollars in profit and continue to use high quality sugar, or find a cheaper replacement for sugar, regardless of the cost to human health.
Thus let me introduce you to the new main ingredient in stuff, albus limosa infusorium. Also known as white slimy mold.
These spores are grown at minimal cost on the underside of dead tree branches. As long as the mold spores have access to a generous supply of dog or wolf feces, they grow quickly. When the spores mature, the mold is dried and ground up. That powdery substance is used to replace almost 90% of the sugar required to make the stuff.
Unfortunately, the dried mold spores leave behind a fluid that gives off a truly rancid smell. It's so bad that has to be masked by perfume additives mixed into the stuff.
As disgusting as this sounds, they combine the mold with tiny amounts of sugar until it's the right consistency of the stuff you've known for years sandwiched between two cookies.
Because the mold is white in color, it cannot be used in the cookie itself, so you have nothing to fear there. But every time you take a bite of the stuff, you are eating white slimy mold cultured in dog poop.
I'm sorry if that sounds gross, but that's the reality of what the stuff has become.
And that's why I'm telling you, eat the cookie. Avoid the stuff.
